Update: Pres Weekend & Life In General

It's President's Day weekend, and I have had a TON of fun so far!
Friday: Hang out at my house. All Star weekend! Madden. Baking sugar cookies.
Saturday: ARC. Fujis. TV. Nap. TV. All Star dunk contest/obstacle course,etc. Dinner and dishes. Movie (end of Glory Road and Wildhogs).

"That was like Level 12 of Doom!"

"Don't look at me"
"Okay, Christina Aguilera"

"Who sings this song?"
"XXXXXXX"
"Let them sing it."

Sunday: Church. PSC126. Trampoline. Guitar. Nap. TV. All Star game. NUT10. Blogging. Shower....

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Moving along to more substantial things:
1) I took the CBEST! I hope I passed...
2) I filed for graduation! I should graduate with 180.5 units. :)
3) I signed up for classes! EDU163, EDU115, EDU192 (hopefully), ENL3, MUS10, PHE lifetime fitness, PHE volleyball, and PHE archery!
4) I signed the lease for a 1-bd/bath for the coming year on Valentines Day!

I still can't believe I am graduating. I know I'm really nervous and I'm not ready, but I'm gonna stick it out and push forward. No time for regrets. I know I keep fluctuating back and forth from "no regrets. JUST DO IT." to "I am overwhelmed.. I quit. I can't do this."

I think that is all because I have a goal, but I get so tired and drained that I feel like I can't do it at the given moment. Then I set myself back on track after. I guess I really have to fight myself to stay on track. Like accountability, I guess, except I don't have a accountability partner.

I keep praying to God for help. I think I really learned the meaning of like.. "God will provide/deliver' past the cliche or just the phrase. Jesus is the light so I don't have to be. He lights my darkness.. and in times when I have no clue what to do, where to go, how to do things.. I just ask God for help. I don't expect an answer right away.. because I know I might be asking for the wrong thing at the wrong time. So on top of that, I ask for God to help me ask for the right things.. and to chase after his heart and His alone. It's really vague and stuff, but I like knowing that I can put my life and everything in it to God. I don't know how to say it, but I really think it's a cool thing. A really cool thing.

I start doing a lot of sharing by myself. It's weird that I like sharing by myself though. I feel more comfortable. There's less pressure I think, but the drawback is if the person asks something that I don't know, I don't have anyone to back me up or help me out. The beautiful thing is, I don't have a problem with admitting that I just don't know! I don't know all the answers. I'm not fluent in the Bible, but I just want to tell people about what I've found and how it has changed my life.

I look back at my life.. and I realize that I have changed very much in the course of my 3 years in college. In high school, I wasn't as nice, I was angrier, darker, more pessimistic... and now? I am nice (I hope!), more considerate, I know how to love more genuinely, I'm more tactful and caring. I am not angry at the world. I am not dark and suicidal as much as I used to be (maybe just a few times, but FAR better than before when it pervaded my mind 24/7). I am super more optimistic now! And I want to say that I'm happy! I'm a lot happier in general.

I've learned how to work with my stress. Set boundaries a little. I've worked on myself a lot in college (and I keep saying "a lot".. it's kind of annoying me). I've learned to speak out and be assertive. I've learned that being assertive doesn't mean aggressive and just because you speak your mind, it doesn't mean that you're a bad person! I'm learning to guard my heart and not let people take advantage of me if they have done it before.

I'm actually making good progress. It's slow and it takes patience, but I'm getting further and further every day. It's a good feeling when I can say "No" or not stressing out. Running helps me destress. You know what else I've foudn helps? When I get stressed out.. I take time to just sit and think about it.. and let it settle, then just do whatever I need to do to take care of it.
I just have to get past that "Overwhelming" point.. and take care of it. Making lists works really well with me because it feels good to cross out things. :)

It is well :]