not gonna

i don't want to live like this anymore.
i can't drink coffee or any stimulants anymore because they might induce my anxiety.
no coffee means that i can't be living off of 2 hrs of sleep and a cup of joe.

i need to take care of myself.
i know i can do this. i know i can. yeap

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

i saved this as private from july 11: it is what i tell myself/think when i am not strong enough... but need to be. Not Gonna... I'm not gonna let you tell me who I am or what I should do with my life. I'm not gonna care if I'm wrong and you're right. I'm not gonna blindly do as you say. I'm not gonna pave the roads that you paved. I'm not gonna accept answers. I only want more questions. I'm not gonna sit and regret every single one of my deeds. I'm not gonna expect for things to magically come my way. I'm not gonna hate, I'm gonna love. I'm not gonna be water. I'm not gonna seek my lowest point. I'm not gonna fall and not stand up. I'm not gonna fall and not stand up. whats that mean to me? it reminds me to be true to myself, to live life with no regrets, to do what's good not what's right, to be flexible, to be humble and face my consequences, to be optimistic, to be independent, to be assertive. it reminds me of what i believe in - my philosophies. it reminds me of my goals, to be determined, to fall down, brush it off, and stand up again. it gives me strength to know that inside i am a giant. big, medium, or little.. i am a giant. I AM A LITTLE GIANT, but a giant nonetheless. it is the most intense hunger i feel. one that feels like inside you there is the ferocity of a lion, the intelligence of a primate, the speed of a stallion, the persistence of a spider, the strength of an elephant...

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